Alright, so, I know you’re probably not going to believe me when I tell you this, but I’ve gotta tell someone and since I don’t know you and you don’t know me, if you decide not to believe me, well, life goes on, I guess. Okay, here it goes….

I saw a leprechaun.

I swear I saw it, I looked at him and he looked at me and then he ran off, so I don’t have proof, but there it is. I saw a leprechaun.

I tried to tell my friend about it but she just rolled her eyes and asked me if she could have a puff of whatever I had been smoking. Ha, ha, I don’t smoke.  I don’t drink either, but that’s beside the point. The point is I really did see a leprechaun, but my friend wouldn’t hear a word about it. What the hell are friends for if they don’t believe you on even the weirdest shit. I can’t help it that these strange things happen to me. I’m a conservative person, borderline boring, so why would I ask for mythological creatures to bother me while I’m in the shower?

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I was in the shower when I saw the little bugger. At first I thought it was a big-ass spider with a sparkly green hat on. I thought, hey, if that’s your style go ahead, spidey, but then I realized it had only two legs and two arms and two eyes and red hair and a matching little green outfit for the little green hat.

Why are leprechauns so impeccably dressed? Hmm….

Anyway, it really was a leprechaun and he stopped and looked at me for a good half a minute. That was definitely one of the most embarrassing half-a-minutes I’d ever experienced. Believe me, there’s nothing physically amazing going on with me, but still…. However small he was, he was still a man and he was looking, looking, looking at me like he couldn’t believe his eyes. I got a little annoyed after he didn’t say or do anything but stare at me. I thought, I’m not that bad-looking, you little bastard! Yes, I’m single, but it’s because I’m picky, that’s all.

Finally I said to him, “If you’re looking for your lucky charms, I don’t have them.” Then he shook his head like he was trying to come out of a trance and said, “Oh, sorry,” in this squeaky little voice that reminded me of one of those munchkins from the Wizard of Oz movie. Then he ran off.

I got out of the shower, toweled off and headed back to my room. When I opened the door I immediately fell off a cliff, but before I could hit the jagged rocks below, a dragon caught me up in its front claws and flew off toward its treasure-filled cave in the distance and he—oh, wait…. Shit, I think it was just a dream….

Okay, never mind.